The Animals Have It

 

Anteater stack

In the same week I discovered my old horse Star was blind in his right eye a dolphin swam up a river and a sperm whale swallowed a boy on a kayak then spat him out again – his father filmed the whole thing talking to his son all the while telling him to stay calm - stay calm slipping around on a whale’s tongue a la Geppetto who actually ended up in a whale’s stomach and waited it out until his son Pinocchio came to his rescue – a monkey turned off the electricity in Sri Lanka sending the country back to the dark ages - a fox followed my middle daughter home on Wakehurst Rd, Clapham - a moose said hello to my son in a carpark outside a bar in Jackson – the male anteater carries its family on its back, baby on top of mum on top of dad - how many ants do anteaters need a day for that level of exertion I wondered as I did my daily hand-flick beside Star’s good eye hoping it keeps seeing – he’s a real whinny-er now - there’s nowt so noisy as a blind horse who wants to see – anteaters eat thirty thousand ants a day – that’s a daily consumption of one hundred and eighty thousand ant legs – good to know they’re getting their protein – octopuses have three hearts.

 

all over the planet

animals promise

emotional rescue

Author note:

The above is Jane Bloomfield's first attempt at Haibun. Popularised by Basho in 17th Century Japan - a Haibun is a poem using a combination of prose and haiku. Hopefully, I've sort of nailed it. A fun if tricky writing exercise. Give it a whirl, poets! Inspo - Rattle Mag Spring Issue #87's Haibun feature with the most excellent curation of Haibun, and an interview regarding writing the poetry form between Timothy Green and Lew Watts.

Did They Serve Iceberg Lettuce on The Titanic?

It always pays to eat your wedge

Iceberg lettuce doesn’t look like an iceberg nor does it taste like one, it tastes of sandwiches curing in a leather satchel in the cloak bay outside Room One. 

 

Warm lettuce membrane pocked with butter and Marmite, a pale but pungent filigree between thin crusted white bread.

 

Wasn’t it a treat when mum changed it up and you found Marmited crinkle cut chippy crunch in place of damp raw leaf.

 

Often thought to be lacking in nutrients due to its bland demeanour - lettuce info dot org tells me the veg contains Vitamin K and folate.

 

And a superior sensory profile thanks to 96% water content it’s our obsessive diet culture’s perfect D for the carb-less lettuce cup. 

 

Burger oft desired when shredding, to house your thick saturated fat meat patty and melted cheese it’s all about how many grams of protein nowadays meal.

 

Behold this mighty lettuce really comes into its own not sliced fine in a soft shell fish taco or minced and refrigerator-aged in a foot-long meatball Subway sub.

 

But when eighth’d and served dressed in Thousand Island dressing dripped with bacon crisps and croutons - I give you the iceberg wedge.

 

Only the greatest mullet salad of all times eaten with a knife and fork alongside a chargrilled porterhouse steak in any fine diner east of Eden.

 

James Cameron towed an iceberg from New Found Land to the movie set of the Titanic in New Mexico only it got stuck in the Panama Canal and melted, said SL4968Q on Reddit.

 

How to tow an iceberg has five hundred million and seventy-seven hits on Google, with the helpful hints - if you tow, go slow. 

 

An iceberg is a large floating mass of ice detached from a glacier, 90% of it lies underwater I don’t know about you but I’m scratching my head.

 

So many bee sting summer suppers served torn in salads slick with gran’s Condensed milk mayonnaise fresh from the garden row granddad named slug bait.

 

It always pays to eat your wedge. Derris dusted or not.

 

In answer to the question - iceberg lettuce was not served on the Titanic in 1912 - this unsinkable member of the Daisy family only hit the veg markets in 1920.

 

Jane Bloomfield 

Collection 2023-24-25