Monday, 7 April 2014

Search Words Are Not Private

Those readers who follow me (thank you for your kindness - good things will surely happen to you; winning Lotto Strike sometime soon or the school Easter Raffle) - will know that I like making up words. A new freedom allowed in this crazy anyone-can-be-famous-century (even for having a big butt and spelling ‘C’ words with ‘Ks’). 

Yep, anything seems to be kosher. You can name your child after a compass point or change your surname to a web address. And who would have thought things as shallow as a ‘selfie’ (a picture of yourself fully made up or otherwise posted on your social media of choice) would end up in the dictionary. Or that a ‘belfie’ is an actual thing? Well it is - it’s a picture of your butt, a bum/selfie. Jeez wayne. What is a selfie of you and your bestie then? A bestie-self? A self-bestie?

But it’s not always a joke. Spammers can really teach us a thing or two. Like words and stuff. 

 Just the other day a person called, Anonymous, left a comment... WOW just what I was searching for. Came here by searching for concamerated

I had to do some searching myself. Right away. A blogger has a duty to be informed. Constantly learning new words. Keeping up. 

Concamerated FYI - is an archaic word meaning arched or vaulted. Not that I was doing any arching or vaulting in the post it was attached to just plucking.

Next thing, I got a bit creeped out that some-internet-user typed in the words: ‘thick girl with red head on strip pole’ and landed on my blog. 

I’m inclined to call this person a sicko, but gave him/her the benefit of the doubt. He may have been referring to pole dancing. This is a legit form of exercise in my town for non-stripper-women. Mums and sporty types do it. For fitness. 

In case you are not aware: pole dancing poles spin around. Yes siree. All you really have to do is hang on TIGHT. Upside down. Oh and wear your best matching bra and undies set teamed with your best car-to-bar-stilettos. Yes, just like earth spins on its axis, those 9 metre stainless steel poles go round and round.

I discovered this fact, thanks to daughter 13, when I was exclaiming how much pain those contortionists must go through with all that bare skin twisting and pinching around metal. 

‘The poles spin around mum.’

I still didn’t believe her. I was channelling my school yard jungle gym days and all the crazy things we did during playtime; like swinging upside down while gripping a lead pole behind bent knees. It hurt. But the thrill of trying to stop our gym slips from turning into umbrellas and all that blood rushing to our heads must have compensated for our scorched flesh. No kid nowadays gets the thrill of a potential major headache anymore; the only thing for protection underneath our flowing pigtails was a big slab of HARD. I even did backward walkovers onto that concrete quad. Back then. In standard three (Year 5).

However, I digress. Naturally I had to google the above said smutty search words: ‘thick girl with red head on strip pole’ to see if my blog avatar came up. 

And NO I didn’t. I checked pages 1, 2 and 3 then stopped. It took .21 seconds to gather about 25,7000,700 results. Although, I did discover that weight is no barrier to pole fitness if the Daily Mail UK’s story on, LuAyne Barber the 252 pound pole dancer with bright red hair is anything to go by. Enough. Already. Lulu.

Another internet-er searched: ‘cute teen vego’ . But I didn’t need to go there.

This happy spam-commenter left this very personal story. 

 “Today, I went to the beachfront with my kids. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said "You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear." She placed the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is entirely off topic but I had to tell someone!”


Like most of us out there in the blogsosphere we only want our stores read. (Actually sometimes I press publish then run down to the river flats and hide).

Of late, my blog receives approximately 100 page views per day. My stats meter reads 24,752 (@10/4/14) and counting. Who knows what the exact proportion of genuine to spammer views is?

However rigorous your spam filters may be some bots will always get through. But hey, they leave comments, whether a block of Whittaker’s yummiest Almond Gold King size is on offer or not!

(photo: Waimarama Beach, Hawkes Bay, Autumn 2014)


  1. Yvette Carol:
    Wow, those comments sound a bit on the freaky-deaky side, Jane. I admire your equilibrium!

    1. What can you do? One time someone searched 'black jane bloomfield' . I didn't know we came in colours.

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