Thing one -
Tea bags, like plastic should never
have been invented. Take yourself back to the joy of a cup of leaf tea, brewed in
your great granny’s silver teapot and poured through a tiny strainer into a pretty china cup and vive la difference. Every morning. Recent convert. A reformed smoker of the tea drinking kind. Leaf tea of choice - Dilmah 100% Pure Ceylon, grown and packed in Sri Lanka.
Thing two –
When I was small I used to leave saucers of
milk and bread for the lost hedgehogs in our garden. Did you know hedgehogs eat
the eggs of ground nesting birds? Well you do now. I no longer think hedgehogs are
cute. Despite their black button noses. And wobbly walk.
Thing three –
Politics and the endless empty promises of
politicians bore my best Brazilian hipster Myla silk
undies right off. However, much awarded kiwi journalist, Steve Braunias’ latest
book Madmen - inside the weirdest election campaign ever – , wittily crochets what
could be tedious facts, with pin sized observations into cleverly nuanced prose
that bounces along and entertains like no politician door knocking ever could.
Buy it. From a bookstore. Read it. Then buy another copy and give it to a
friend for Xmas. You’ll be RFLOL whether you voted or not. Believe me.
ps. Steve B said it’s the best shit he’s
ever written. Actually he said book not shit.
Thing four –
It is possible to catch a wild duckling in
your bare hands. If you are determined enough. This boy managed to by swimming
around our spring fed lap-pond and nabbing the unsuspecting critter in the long
handled net used to scoop out pond scum. The young duckling, from a raft of
six was later released; after its Instagramification was completed.
Young duckling appeared to suffer no lasting effects from the close contact with a human
screaming as though he’d just won the first-minute-mile. It was soon back
swimming, diving and pooing foul smelling green blobs around the pond and
environs along with the resident duck dynasty.
Thing five –
It is also possible to catch a baby rabbit
in your bare hands. If your are a boy and 11. Then have your photo taken with
it. Disclaimer: a large 7.2kg male cat might
have been involved with this bunny-napping stunt. Might have.
Thing six –
It is possible to experience all, some, or
none-of-the-below when taking hay fever medication:
Drowsiness
Headache
Tiredness
Dizziness
Dry mouth
Nausea
Diarrhea
Difficulty urinating
Sore throat
Runny nose
Abdominal pain
Agitation, aggression, depression or
hallucination
Confusion
Insomnia
Weight gain
Blurred vision
Tingling or numbness on the hands or feet
Movement disorder
Tremors
This list covers the wide variety of
‘feelings’ I have on any given day. Well, except for the toileting bits. Not
that I’d tell anybody. Though I might stick this list on the fridge. For future
reference. Or for when I’m hallucinating
and feeling quite aggressive towards
my butt which has definitely got a movement
disorder ie saggy since I broke my rude finger and stopped running 4 weeks
ago. I know it’s fifty and I should cut it some slack. But come on butt do me a
favour. Note to future self: never read the small 5000 word neatly folded
over and over leaflet inside generic chemist bought pharmaceuticals. Again.
Thing Seven:
It sucks to turn 81 in hospital when you
have just flown off a 30 metre cliff and broken 7 ribs, two vertebra and your
shoulder plate. It sucks more to have the aforementioned along with cuts and bruises
the size of T-bone steaks blotted over your already frail body. But what is
worse is your brain being further reshaped into the seven year old child you
once were. 74 years ago. Politely. With Alzheimers.
This happened to my Dad 4 weeks ago and I
suspect that is why my blog has been neglected. He’s doing okay and strangely
has felt more confusion than pain. He’ll be moving into a rest home soon. Five
star compared to the possible hospital dementia ward. And that’s just how it
is.
So apologies to all my faithful, new and
sometimes readers. There are plenty more stories inside. Only they may not be
getting out till after Christmas.
In the meantime, enjoy the festive season
with your friends and family. Play safe, be generous with your time and that handmade gluten free nut fudge you're planning to make.Soon. More importantly, remember if you experience any insomnia, weight gain or tremors –
it wasn’t anything you ate.
Janex
ps.aforementioned boy child busy on a carpentry job, aged three
pps. peonies are my own
