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Our Menu is Designed to Be Shared
Have you dined with us before? Yes, you always reply whether you have or have not because you don’t want to hear our menu is designed to be shared for the one thousandth bread-stick stuck in your throat and the rosé hasn’t arrived time.
When did being told how to compile your surf, turf and garden veg with intentional herbs and spices become part of the dining-out experience? We’re a nanny kitchen state. Bring back own plates. Our menu is designed to be eaten any way you jelly well wish.
Guard your own carefully chosen dish, you greedy little piggy. Shovel in your porterhouse just walked past the flames and your rocket, pear and walnut insalata with no risk of foreign salivas infusing your repast.
Or spoon forkfuls of your pappardelle wagyu brisket into your date’s wide-open bouche then lick those meaty fragments from her chin if they fall – if you wish. Let her feed you peeled king prawns in her garlic-butter dripped fingers.
Or chop your chicken breast à la lemony butter into bite-size pieces then stab and fork, stab and fork them into your mouth – your elbow firmly on the table – your utensil part of the conversation – your open mouth a spin cycle of poultry mastication as you tell an extinct native bird story.
Or do as you’re told and share those plates – we recommend four between two people – you order five – he wants the octopus and you cannot eat octopus because they have three hearts – it’s far too much – you feel cheap asking for a puppy-bag to save meal prepping later.
What an unhinged first date, yet you can’t help but smile with tomorrow’s remote working lunch afloat in your Yu Mei tote – himself and his pescatarian man-pony couldn’t stand the beetroot and Halloumi with Chimichurri crumbs or the fake truffle polenta fries.
He’s taken his sighing to the resting room to comb his soul patch and discover charred fish suckers in his teeth – his phone forgotten on the table phone vibrates – it’s Cherry suggesting Letz meat for dessert …
Our menu is designed to be shared.
Jane Bloomfield
Collection 2023, 24, 25, 26
