50 Ways With Spam

My tech support told me ALL spam comments are computer generated. I didn’t believe him. Surely there is a real human being behind those well thought out, heart-warming comments by that person named, Anonymous. The ones my blog receives daily in duplicate.

Yep siree, I can definitely picture a wannabe copywriter practising their English over a grubby keyboard SOMEWHERE in the world. Mumbai, Ulan Bator, Krakow, Vladivostok, Sevastopol? Either that or all those com-gen-spam-com-ers forgot to go through spellcheck before their journey into cyberspace. 

I decided to have a snoop around and get the heads-up.

Weirdly the first site I discovered was, ‘the Museum of Comment spam, finest examples, lovingly curated’. Blimey it had 220 more followers than I did/do. This site claimed the gems they discovered were computer-generated. 

Still, it didn’t explain the broken English.

I clicked on.

And there it was in black and white, ‘these days, there are comment factories that pay people a few cents to leave a comment with specific keywords linked back to a specific web page for the sole purpose of increasing incoming links to that page and therefore, increasing Google search rankings…’ (We’re talking about high profile websites here. Not exactly PC.)

Apparently, ‘you’ll find many of these “jobs”… at oDesk.com…They’re quick and easy, and people snatch them up despite the low payment.’ 

Being a snoop, I hopped on over to oDesk.com to look for a job. I like getting paid for writing. For anything creative really.

When I got there I wasn’t sure what job title I should look under: 

I chose: ‘Customer WOW specialist’ 

There were screeds of, ‘required attributes’. I soon realized I didn’t really want to be a: ‘Team player in a flat-structured, highly collaborative environment’. Nor make: ‘… oDesk.com a primary focus of …my… life’.  

Even if I did have some of the required skills: ‘Familiarity with social networking sites such as Twitter and Facebook’. As well as: ‘Top-notch written and verbal skills…’ and the … ‘English required’. 

I pretended I didn’t see: ‘multilingual a plus’ (well it didn’t say written-multilingual). Therein the problem lies; those spam coms have just been lost in translation? 

Even so if I’d really wanted to I would have been able to: ‘dive right in, be effective, and make a difference.’ 

But I didn’t. I didn’t want to make lovely spam-com for some SEO Search Engine Optimizer. Jeesh that’s as low as being a cold call telemarketer and I’ve been one of them before. I sold supplementary American Express cards, when I was twenty-something and broke from yet another adventurous foray into the big wide world. Back in a time when you took an aeroplane ride to see and experience new cultures, taking a virtual tour at the click of a mouse wasn’t an option. 

My spam-com, computer generated or not, is all nice. Some of it even makes me laugh like this guy: Kopi Luwak. Cute name, so I googled him and shit, guess what? Kopi Luwak is the name of the coffee excreted by the Civet cat. Top quality.

KP didn’t have much to say: Hi!! I like your blog. These social networks as facebook twitter and blogspot are very good for share feelings with other.

Here are a few more examples from that crazy cat Anonymouse:

Madame New age-y says:

You could сeгtainly sеe уоur enthusiasm within the artіcle you wгіte.
Thе ѕесtοr hopes forr more passiοnatе wrіters suh аs уou who аren't
afгаiԁ to mentіon how they believe. Always fоllοw your hеart.

This com-spammer’s family must be fed up. I know my family was wondering where dinner was when I was putting this together.

Mу family memberѕ all thе time sау thаt I аm wаstіng mу tіmе here аt ωeb,
еxceρt I know I аm gеtting fаmiliarity all thе time by гeading ѕuсh nіce articleѕ оггevieωs.

Oh, this one is getting above their station and offering ME their writerly services. I don’t think so buddy.

Ι abѕоlutely lοѵe уour blοg and finԁ most οf уour post's to bе just what I'm looκing for. Would yоu offer gueѕt writers to writе content for yοu? I wouldn't mind сreating a post or elaborаtіng on a lot of the subjects you write relаted to here. Agаin, awesome weblog!

Some like to infer that it’s YOU being the annoying one. Not.

Whhen I originally commemted I appear tο have clicκeԁ the -Nоtify mme when neω commentѕ arе аdded- chеckbox anԁ fro now on еveгy time а cοmment is added I get 4 emаils with the exact same commеnt.Is thrre а waay you are able tо remοve mee fromm thаt ѕеrvice? Chеeгs!

Some are just so damn encouraging:

This іs rеallу interestіng, You are а vewry skilled blogger.I have joined yoyr гѕs feed and look fοrward tto seeκing morе of youг magnificent post.Also, I havе shагed yοur website іn my sociаl networks

Crikey this one thinks I have a book in me:

Its like you reaԁ my mind! You seеm to knoω ѕο much about thіs, lіke yоu ωrotе the book in it or something. І think that you can do with a fеw рics tο dгive thе mesѕаgе hοme а bit, but οthеr thаn that, this iis magnificеnt blog. An excеllent read.
I wіll definitely be baсk.

Some have the audacity to ask if I receive that annoying spam-com stuff. Hello:

Howdy, i read your blog from time to time and i own a similar one and i was just curious if you get a lot of spam comments? If so how do you prevent it, any plugin or anything you can advise? I get so much lately it's driving me insane so any assistance is very much appreciated.

I suspect, however, at the end of the day, like me, comment-spammers spend a lot of time procrastinating at their key-boards for fun and clicks, and little money.  

Note: Origin of above spam: accommodation/travel websites