I really want to go to Sri Lanka one day. It would be a research eat-pray-love trip. I want to set a book in the tropics. Perhaps on a jungle high tea plantation then on the surf-edged pearl-sand south coast. I imagined the air to smell of cinnamon or cloves or wet black pepper – some sort of moist spice. And the trees would be enormous, cream barked with large, shiny leaves and burgeoning boughs heavy with monkeys, no doubt, boa constrictors too. What is the biological name of monkeys … primates … simians … cousins … something. I like this as a technique – dropping in biological connections into prose just for a swerve. Snakes Serpentes, Cow bovine, cat feline, horse equine. Make me look cleverer. It’s so easy to jump on the internet and look stuff up. Where was I? Oh yes, the poached pears. Those lil mofos took so much boiling. At least one hour, when the recipe stated 20-30 minutes. But I wanted them tender to the bite, no crunch in the middle. On and on my cauldron bubbled. When I finally decided enough was enough I took them out. I still had to turn up the heat for the next step - reducing the syrup into a sticky mess to pour over the awaiting plated pears. Well, that was not going to happen in a flash either. My Nana, who was a terrible cook, would have added cornflour. She did this once to scrambled eggs. My grandpa didn’t complain. The pears did look resplendent, in their burgundy glory at 9.45pm. Coronation worthy – regal purple orbs. Weirdly these pears started off red. They’re red-skinned pears. The Queen of Pears. You wouldn’t say King.
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The next day, after my Zoom poetry workshop, I tried to meditate but failed. #CowboyTheKitty was snuggled with me on the bed. I watched him like a newborn and I fell further in love. I decided while I lay there watching mindless yet enjoyable IG reels to go to Lake Hayes for a walk at three. I’d try and get all metaphorical in the late autumn sun walking along the lake track as it rises into scrub and this random, high-fenced deer farm. Only when I got there the sun was on the wrong side of the lake. Never ask me to read a map. I hummed and haa’d and decided I wanted an incline so I set off into the shade anyhoo. I was passed by old farts on e-bikes barely peddling. I told them telepathically that if they want to get their steps up, they should brisk walk. I saw nothing of note except a small dog turd full of corn kernels on a rock, actually it was three terrier-sized turds on a rock, which was schist.
Soon I turned round and walked back towards the sun, when I passed my favourite dipping spot of the summer I decided I’d do it. Dunk in the lake. 1st May on the morrow, but hey. I collected my towel and old dressing gown from the car and doubled back. A dude with a number two and an overly pomaded hipster beard was sitting at my picnic table talking loudly on the phone on speaker about an intense domestic dispute he was having with his partner. I moved further down. The surface of the lake rippled. Two black swans, vine necked red beaked, fished metres from shore. I slipped out of my walking clothes. I’d put my bikini pants on just in case. My black sports top would do. I walked in up to my waist then submerged to my neck. A year back I would have screamed or at least panted but I have conditioned myself to the sudden chill of freshwater alpine ponds. I swam a few strokes then tried to stand. I couldn’t touch the bottom. There is always the slight fear I might pass out and drown. I turned to shore. Breast-stroked. My ovaries were ahead of me in outer Mongolia. Other parts had already reached the capital - Ulan Bator (the coldest capital in the world FYI.) However, a certain warmth envelopes a chilled wet body returning to air. An atmospheric crush. Like warm custard on prickled kiwis. Don’t ever serve me quince.
I’d tried to do some homework on my walk earlier. Get more imaginative with imagery.
The stream - an oasis of moisture for thirsty eels
Seed head on weed - seed dispenser of a future spring
Autumn poplar tree - Tall lady with a packet blonde dye job
Tall tree - Lighthouse beacon for birds of prey
Dog shit - Even a man’s best friend poos. Or. No mammal digests corn. Or for god sake don’t step in it.
Alas, I’m still at kindergarten but you never know what you’ll see - if you open your eyes.
